Here are my top 7 tips and traits for a lady aspiring to be a woman of elegance.

1. Kindness – caring, compassionate, loving and considerate

A kind person shows concur for the feelings of others and is helpful and generous. A kind person does good deeds without expecting rewards for doing so. It is a fundamental aspect of manifesting careens and can be the ability to place the needs of others before your own, to be completely selfless and full of empathy.

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see”

Mark Twain

Kindness is a character strength and a lot of people in this world classify it as ‘good character’. To me,it is number one. You are always going to have unkind people in this world, but we can’t change that, but we CAN change it by being kind. In some situations, where someone is unkind to you and your approach is to be kind back – to me, that is what a woman of strength is, and having that virtue of humanity can change your world.

You can practise or express kindness through doing charity work, or just going home and loving your family is enough.

“Kindness consists of doing favours and good deeds for others without the expectation of personal gain. This strength requires respect for others but also includes emotional affection. Kind people find joy in the act of giving and helping other people, regardless of their degree of relatedness or similarity.”

Tayyab Rashid

According to studies, it creates a significant increase in life satisfaction. Another study also found that participants felt happier spending money on others rather than themselves.

Happiness can be increased through the practice of kindness.

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness” Dalai Lama

Here are some ways to practice kindness:

– Buy a small gift randomly for someone
– Make a card for a friend
– Talk to someone who is shy
– Set up a coffee date with an old girlfriend
– Donate your unneeded possessions
– Talk with a neighbour
– Smile at people passing by

 

2. Cautiousness

Now you are probably wondering why I put this down as a trait. I put this second as it is a trait that a lot of women aren’t really aware of. There can be so many situations where you can put this into practice. In relationships, particularly when someone uses you for their own gain – you need to be watchful and mindful of these kind of people, and carry on in circumspection.

Another great words to describe this trait is to be ‘vigilant’. These two words are found in the bible in Psalms a lot, particularly when King David talks about his enemies.

 

3. Self – Respect

As they say, “Elegant ladies are hard to come by.” If you are a young girl looking for information on how to be an elegant lady or like a lady in Downton Abbey, you will come to realise that they have a lot of self-love and del-respect for themselves. The way they carry themselves is with two things:

grace and poise

as they always say!

And how they dress definitely reflects their character. Self-care is of the utmost importance and self-respect and self-care co-exist. It is by development of self-understanding and self-awareness. Through the way they speak, address people, talk, what they are capable of, and holding a lot of self-confidence.

it is all about being aware and confident of who you are.

Through self-awareness you are attuned to your feelings, emotional responses, and listening to the tone of your inner voice. I also did a post on “Staying true to yourself” and it is not easy to do that if you really don’t know who you are, perceptively. To perceive is to be aware, and someone who is perceptive is considered aware, intelligent and insightful.

Huffington Post states on “the 10 Understated Qualities of a truly beautiful woman” that “when your are self-loving you naturally possess a quiet confidence. Your self-awareness, dedication to self-development and personal growth provide you the knowledge to succeed nearly at anything you seek”

 

4. Treat yourself first-class

An elegant striving lady always treats herself first-class; she is comfortable in her own skin and with her self.

Sometimes we feel less than a lady if we don’t treat ourselves as number 1! You have to think of yourself as FIRST CLASS even if you are in the middle/low classes of society. Society brands certain ladies to be who they WANT to be first-class. We can be bigoted about it and often we forget to use our strongest trait to be kind to ourselves.

5. Use what you’ve got

Wearing a $1000 Buberry coat, and $500 pairs of Vivienne Westwood shoes doesn’t have to be everyones signature and yes, I love delving into high-end luxury brands but at the end of the day, that doesn’t make you elegant. I believe elegance is definitely an inner beauty. It is the way you interact with people and the demeanour you carry that makes you truly elegant. You don’t have to look a MILLION dollars either, although that would be nice! You are probably thinking, why should I take advice from someone who uses the word “exquisite” for their blog, and they’re saying this!!?? but that’s just something I aspire to, and it is not the actual definition of my name. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

 

6. She uses proper etiquette

In my recent post “How to have proper etiquette” I hone in on the 19th century background but if that doesn’t interest you, it’s fine! In the modern world, it still applies today.

Proper etiquette never goes out of fashion, and knowing the basics, it shows an air or possession of elegance. Over the years, we forget the general rules of etiquette – it can be a “younger generation” thing or maybe you weren’t taught at home, or in your upbringing. It is important to understand it’s meaning and what perceptions you have.

 

7. A BIG heart

To some, this may seem the most important. I think this can co-exist with kindness because without a big heart ,there is none!

She is someone who doesn’t like to meddle in major gossip and is not petty or catty towards anyone! She is someone who is aware of her thoughts, moods, actions and she puts in a lot of effort when it comes to relationships/friendships.

I love what Kathleen Cheung said at the University of Toronto.

“She’s introspective and she puts in the effort to understand herself on a deeper level so she doesn’t let “what others think” or “what others do” to direct her decision in life.”

She is open-minded, honest, and most of all, believes in herself, and allows things to be, instead of meddling in other peoples affairs. It takes a big heart to help shape other peoples lives and your own. So, don’t forget to have an open heart towards people, even when you have been heart broken in the past or something major has changed the course of your life path.

I suggest you go through each trait thoroughly and write notes if you like. You can use the information for your own benefit, and I highly praise you for reading till the end because it is not EVERy girls ambition to have these kind of character traits and I admire you for wanting to read something of this calibre, with this title, to further develop yourself as a woman and “A Lady of Quality”